Change....

The one sure thing in life...... is change.  I have had a lot of thoughts and feelings running through me lately.  It has been difficult to find the time to sit down and write about them.  SIGH.....Time management, just one of the many things that I am finding different/challenging since my latest surgery.  

Physically, I am feeling pretty good.  I have started riding my bike and going for long walks.  Trying to recover some of the physical strength lost since my most recent surgery.  Physical strength is not the only thing that seems to come and go during my cancer treatment.  Right now, I seem to be struggling with memory (chemo fog-BIG time) multi-tasking, focusing, organizing, and the ability and desire to get through my beloved to-do lists. 

 I have been challenged on this front before.  Long ago, Fibromyalgia forced me to accept that I have different limits than my peers 😒.  It was difficult at first.  I experienced anger and frustration that I didn't have the energy to do everything I wanted during the course of a day.  If I did "too much," I would pay for it with muscle aches that felt like the flu and a day or two in bed.  BLAAHH!!  Now I am moving at an even slower pace.  I don't know why this is taking me by surprise. After all, it is cancer treatment, not for the faint of heart.  I continually bump up against my lack of patience in one regard or another.  

Lots of opportunity to increase my patience throughout this experience, Ha Ha.  I am reminded of a scene from a movie (of course I can't remember the name of it with my chemo brain right now.) But a woman is speaking with God. In her previous prayers, she asks God to bless her with patience.  In the conversation, she questions why her patience has not improved. God tells her that when she asks for patience, He blesses her with the OPPORTUNITIES to choose to apply patience.   In our human way of doing things, we ask for a change and expect it right away.  That is not always God's way.  I am trying to trust in His timing and His way of doing things.

HAIR we go again!

2 months worth of growth.

So excited and impatient about my hair continuing to grow!😝  It is not coming back in a uniform manner or as quickly as I would like, but it is coming back!  My eyelashes and eyebrows are about 90% gone.  Wondering when they will start to come back.  Sure hope it will be soon.  Our family stylist told me about Nioxin products so I am going to give them a try and see if they help with growing the hair.... Time will tell.

Happy Birthday!

This is the Birthday card my father sent to me.  It has a great reggae happy bday tune.  Keep singing it over and over!  Today is a great day because I am alive and breathing and just feeling pretty good!  Cancer has given me a whole new perspective on Birthdays.  I no longer struggle with getting older!  In fact, I embrace it, I celebrate it!  Another bday, means I have been here on earth with my family and friends another year and I hope to be here for many more!  It is a time to celebrate living and life, and that is just what I plan to do!

PAIN

This is a picture of a Jackson Pratt drain.  After Last Tuesday's surgery, I went home with two of these. The long plastic part labeled "a" , is the part that is inserted in your skin and allows drainage to be collected through the tube into part "b."  You empty part "b" at various times through out the day and when your drainage is down to a certain point, you can have the JP removed.  And by removed, I mean that they just pull it out of you.  No anesthesia, no nothing, just pull.  Yeah, it's a fun one.  I had one removed from the initial surgery to remove the tumor and lymph nodes last August.  I drained for a month before the JP could be removed.  Wasn't bad at all.  

So yesterday, I go back to see the plastic surgeon for my first post op visit.  I am in a ton of pain already.  I would say, a 6-7 out of 10.  The Lortab isn't that helpful.  Hoping he might take pity on me and prescribe something stronger.  Nah.  Drainage is where it needs to be, It's time to take out the JP's. He preps me with, " Now you are going to feel a pull." Pull?  Are you kidding me?!! It felt like he stabbed me in my ribs!! So I go from a 7-9/10 on the pain scale.  I'm having a hard time breathing, sweat is building up all over my body.  I feel like I am going to throw up, pass out, or die (whichever comes first).  

My husband gave me a priesthood blessing and I all I can say is that the power of God is real. Not all of the pain and discomfort were taken from me, but the unbearable pain was.  Today, pain has been under control until the last 3 hours.  Having a hard time breathing and can't sit up for very long.  It has been a loooong week.

Post surgery stroll

John brought Jamison and Sophie to see me at the hospital on my second night there.  They took me for a walk to help avoid blood clots.  The last couple of days have been rough.  The pain meds they sent me home with just don't do as good a job as what they were giving me in the hospital. 

Fuzz! At 1 month of growth!

Can't wait until I have this much fuzz all over my head!  1 month after we first noticed fuzz!

"Ladies in Pink" lunch

Went to lunch with a few friends to celebrate the end of chemo!  All my friends dressed in pink and we saw this little cutie who had just come from her ballet class.  I asked her mom if I could take a picture and explained why we were all out for lunch.  An interesting conversation ensued about cancer and cancer treatments.  I decided to take her presence at our celebratory lunch as a sign that all will be well!  Just looking at her made me smile!