Grand Canyon road trip

It was fall break this last weekend and I was too sick to take the kids anywhere fun:  Auntie Mindy and Uncle Mark to the rescue!!  They came down with beloved cousins Porter and Jackson and took our kids to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon!  Their timing was perfect!  Our kids had so much fun as evidenced by the above pictures!  Thanks for serving our family during this difficult time.  We love you guys.

So someone ordered a shawl from Macy's and had it delivered to me.  Is anyone going to take credit?  I love shawls so thanks a ton!

The service continued with meals brought in by the Milne's, Clarke's, and Johnson's.  Today a week after chemo, I was feeling well enough to get out of the house.  It has been a long week, most of it in bed.  Visits from Lisa J. and Laurie H. helped break up the monotony and were bright spots for me.  Do I know the best people or what?

The Robe by Mercy River

Yesterday I had a moment.  Round 3 of chemo has been rough and I spent the last 3 days in bed.  I was contemplating my mortality.  Will I get through this?  If I do, will the cancer come back again in a different area of my body?  What would I do?  How would I react, etc. etc.  I think these thought processes are natural given the circumstances.  Yes, I know, I am only Stage 2b but when you are sicker than sick, your thoughts can wander.

A song came on the radio.  The Robe by Mercy River.  It resounded with me in that moment and gave me a sense of calm and peace.

Faithful woman reached through
the crowd
And her hands gently touched
Your robe
And You through Your grace
made her whole
And now my broken body is
fading fast
And like her I'm searching
through the crowds
Desperate to find you somehow

And I'm reaching for that robe
I know that You can make me
whole
But if its not meant to be that way
If I can't stay
Then just wrap me in that robe
and hold me when I go

If you call me home to You
Please help those who love me understand
We are still held together by Your
hands

I'm reaching for that robe
I know that You can make me
whole

Beautiful, beautiful song.  Rescued me in a low moment.

The Book of Mormon

The other day I had an inspirational moment with the scriptures.  I was reading in The Book of Mormon, in Alma Chapter 34 verse 41.  It  read "have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions."

I do have hope that just as this difficulty has come upon me, it will one day be a memory.  When that day comes, I want Heavenly Father to be able to say, "Well done daughter, you have borne this affliction with patience, hope, and faith.  Well done."

Chemo Companion

My dear friend Dana O. was my chemo companion for my 3rd round of AC.  I kept telling her I was tired and was going to take a nap, but she was just too much fun to talk to so I kept jabbering and jabbering!  Thanks to the Langston's for bringing in dinner tonight.  I am blessed to be surrounded by wonderful, wonderful people!!

"How are the CHILDREN COPING?"

Lots of people ask how our children are coping.  Friday, I drove Maya (14 years old) to school and she told me that she had a dream.  In the dream I died and it was very sad for her.  We talked about how sometimes our fears can manifest themselves in our dreams.  I did my best to reassure her.  None of my doctors have ever told me that my prognosis is bad.  I am Stage 2B and I meet breast cancer survivors every day, many of whom were Stage 3 or 4 when they were diagnosed.  Breast Cancer is one of the least complicated kinds of cancer to treat with excellent survival rates etc, etc.  We held hands as we talked.  This morning she gave me the above art work.  She had doodled it at school yesterday.

"Win is what MY WARRIOR MOM WILL DO.

Thoughtful

STRONG

Powerful

Persistent

Strong-willed

Well known and 

Beautiful!

Kind and Gentle

Caring & Loving

Outstanding

Smart

Loved

OURS"

I asked my children if they wanted to shave my head when my hair really started to fall out.  I hoped that it would give them a sense of empowerment and control in all this.  They were excited to do it and upon finishing, Sophie (12 years old), took some of my curls and put them in a Mason jar with white and pink ribbons around it.  I thought that was sweet.

Jamison ( 10 years old) was excited to show off my bald head to his soccer teammates when I picked them up after practice the other day.  They all get in the car and without any warning he says, "HEY!!  Want to see my Mom's bald head!!?"  Some didn't have any idea that I had lost my hair because I have always worn hats, I just have more and wear them all the time now!  They did, so I obliged.  It was interesting to see the range of reactions.  One in particular, Trey, was very compassionate.  He said, "Oh, I feel so bad for girls when that happens."  He meant it too, you could see it in his eyes.  Cute, cute boys!  Aren't kids wonderful!?

As for Vince, our Mormon Missionary, he doesn't even ask how I am doing.  I think that's wonderrful!  His letters are all about the experiences he is having as a missionary and that is just how I want them to be.  

"Support" Group

 Last night, Thursday, I attended my first Survivor Support Group.  Just to give you and idea of how fun these ladies are, look at the cupcakes Michelle had brought for the evening.  Remind you of anything?!!  Too funny!  They were delish!!  There are a wide variety of gals in terms of ages and some of us are currently going through treatment while others are past it.  I was able to ask a lot of questions and learn from their experiences.  Had an all around great time!  Look forward to more fun with these ladies!

"Dig Pink," Supporters

Tuesday afternoon I attended a volleyball game at the High School.  It was "Dig Pink" night in honor of Breast Cancer awareness month.  Our friends Saselah and Kylee honored me by having my name put on their jersy's!  

Here I am after the match with Saselah.  She rocked it!  Way to represent Team Enfield Saselah!

Intense focus!

Thumbs up for Team Enfield!

Our friends from Phoenix, Arizona ( the Chapin's) honored me by dedicating their football game to me!

My friends from Tucson, (Emma J.) also had a "Dig Pink," night for her volleyball team.  They sent me a text along with this picture saying, "Thinking of you in Tucson."

 

Thanks to each and everyone of you!  The second round of chemo was tougher than the first and I had really been feeling awful.  Each of these gestures warmed my heart and lifted my spirits during some tough days.  You are loved and appreciated more than you know.

Scarves? Maybe.....

This is for Dad.  Here I am in one of my scarves.  Never fear Father Dear, I have 13 fabulous hats and at least twice as many scarves!  

Head-Shaving Ceremony

Here we go....

Maya and Sophie start chopping.

I have always said that I have enough hair for three women. It took about 15-20 minutes.

John finished it off with a nice all around shave. 

Teancum

This morning we received this picture and text from some friends of ours regarding their teenage son Teancum: "John and Shanda, I thought it might be interesting for you to know that the Desert Hills football team wears pink to encourage support to fight breast cancer.  We discovered last night that Teancum wrote Shanda's name on his pink sleeve to remind himself how personal it can be.  Just wanted to remind you that you are in our hearts and prayers."

What a bright spot after all the hair loss yesterday!

Goodbye Curls

My hair REALLY started to fall out in the shower today.  Very unsettling, down right scary in fact.  I will be seeing my stylist Jody tonight so she can take it all to one very short layer.  I think the head shaving is just around the corner.  So my conversation with hubby tonight went like this:

ME: I am scared to lose my hair.

Hubby: Me too!

Me: What are YOU scared for?

Hubby: How you'll look.

Me: Yeah, me too.  

PAUSE for a few moments.

Me: Well, we just have to tell ourselves that it's temporary.  And it's just the way I look, the way I look is NOT who I am.  I will still be me.

Hubby: Your hair doesn't define you.

Me: Yeah!!

Thus went the conversation as we tried to console ourselves about the upcoming change.

Loved and Supported

Here we go...2 nd round of Chemo.  

When we got home, this sign was at the bottom of our street.  It says "Breast Cancer Awareness Month, HONK for Team Enfield!"

More elves had been at our home while we were gone!  Pink Ribbons and hearts were staked in our front yard!  It's like Christmas in October except everything is PINK!

In side we found some yummies, music CD, and bracelet!  Maya is going to wear the bracelet in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month and in support of me!

My sweet, Sophie wore a pink T-shirt to school today to show support of my 2nd round of Chemo.

The Loe family brought us fantastic chicken taco's for dinner tonight!  Thanks everyone!