Stay in the Moment

Well....feeling like myself again!  The past 6 days have been sooooo nice.  Have to admit that I am not looking forward to Wednesday ( the next chemo treatment) and experiencing the side effects once again.  At the same time, I acknowledge how well I did after the first treatment and will be praying that I continue to do as well.  This journey is going to require  stamina and ENDURANCE.  After all, I am only on the second of 16 treatments.  So important for me to stay grounded in the moment and take it one day at a time.  It just feels doable if I do that, not so much if I don't.

Poise Pads, REALLY?

So what do you do when insomnia hits?  I am going to blog a bit then watch some HGTV.  These little beauties?  Let's just say, that I didn't think I would be needing them for at least another 15 years!   One more lovely side effect of Chemo!  I must say that I am grateful for all the over the counter remedies that can lessen the side effects of cancer treatments.  Poise pads and Imodium AD to the rescue this time!  Other fun side effects the first time around have been, nausea, fatigue, body aches, mouth sores, insomnia.  

Fortunately for me, they have all been bearable.  Here's to round 2, next Wednesday.

Chemo Fog

Day 5 after my first chemo treatment.  I think my body is starting to work its way out of "chemo fog."  My word for the side effects and symptoms associated with chemo.  I didn't have to take a Claritin to help ward off the body aches brought on by the Neulasta shot.  Haven't needed to take anti-nausea meds either.  Felt well enough to get on my road bike!!!  

Went for a short but beautiful ride.  The weather is just gorgeous.  A little bit of cool in the air, sun in the skies.  I didn't time myself at all or keep track of mileage.  This ride was all about pure enjoyment.  The fact that I felt well enough to ride... that's all.

Funny moments with chemo fog:  I shaved one leg and completely forgot to shave the other!  Start a task like emptying the dishwasher, get distracted and forget to do the rest.  Often ask John the same thing more than once.  Well, it is what it is.  If I can do this well all through chemo, I will count it a great blessing.  Thanks for the prayers and positive thoughts.

Coping Mechanisms

Learning more about my anti-nausea meds and what they can do for me.  Nausea has been omnipresent today.

Rosie, my furry companion, has been quite a comfort to me today.

Only food I have been able to tolerate today.  Thanks to Lori B. for bringing me her fabulous homemade chicken soup.  Had it for lunch and dinner.

Chemo Cycle #1

So, my very first visitors after my very first chemo treatment were my neighbors Glenn and Rosemary G!  Glenn joined the Cancer Club before me and I used to visit him when he was going through chemo and radiation.  Now he is well enough to come visit me.  What a great guy!  He said, "It's okay for me to go through this stuff, but not you!"  There is definitely a special connection we share as Cancer Club members.  

First Chemo session was at 11 am and lasted until about 1:30.  So...Yesterday afternoon and evening I was feeling fatigued and nauseous.  They gave me some very strong anti-nausea meds through the IV before they even started the chemo.  The nausea didn't really hit until late afternoon, but it was manageable with the anti-nausea pills they gave me to follow up with at home.  I was able to eat a small meal and keep it down.  (Thanks to Lisa J. and Theresa L. for the great food!  I could not have cooked for my family last night)

Today, by 11 am, my stomach was completely settled so I enjoyed lunch and dinner immensely!  My energy level has been steady most of the day.  I had a good work out this morning, a little nap, and then went in for my injection. Can't remember the name for it but it is supposed to help bring my white blood cell count back up.  The point of these cancer treatments is to distinguish rapidly dividing cells and our bone marrow cells fall in to that category even though they are "good", cells.  Thus the shot.  

I am told that day 3-4 post chemo is when things can start to get pretty uncomfortable for some people.  Time will tell, I guess.  Feeling well 1st day after chemo!

Chemo Cycle #1

First day of chemo.  The recliners are super comfy!  They have a heat button and massage function!  Of course I want a massage while I am getting chemo!  

An anonymous friend or friends (can't get John to tell me who) came by while we were gone and filled my house with uplifting thoughts, balloons, and gifts.  This large poster is in my hallway and I have already taken down day 1!

A beautiful pink and white scarf, chocolate, journal, gag gifts, and pamper products fill the bucket.

This is just one of the many uplifting thoughts that are everywhere!  Not one will be taken down.  When I have my weak moments, I won't have to look very far to find some inspiration.  Thank you who ever you are!  

Feeling Loved

Pedicures followed by lunch with friends!  What a way to be uplifted before my first day of  Chemo which will be tomorrow.

My friend Laurie H. gave me this at lunch.  Couldn't make it all the way through the first read without lots of tears.  I am going to memorize this one so when the going gets tough, I can recite it to myself.

Had the baseline MUGA scan of my heart today.  The MUGA looks to see that my heart is receiving the necessary blood to function well.  Will have more of those as Chemo proceeds as some of the meds are heavy duty and can compromise this.

Some Coping Aids

Angel pin from Virginia B.  Check
Good music and movies from Lisa J.  Check
Warm fuzzy socks from Marcie G.  Check
Sweet smells from Lori B.  Check

Chemo blanket from Darian K.  Check

Chemo quilt from Michelle B.  Check

Hat and wrap collection for when I lose my hair.  Check

One of my two furry companions to snuggle with.  Check

Well...I think I am as ready as I will ever be for chemo.

Port Implantation

Picture #1.  This little beauty is called a Bard Power Port.  It was surgically implanted in my chest on the left side about an inch or two below my collarbone.  Thus Picture # 2.  I chose to have sedation called Twilight Sleep instead of having general anesthesia.  I remember much of the procedure.  The radiologist talking me through things, but I was too relaxed to really care.  Not so by evening!  Yeowza!  Lots of  swelling and bruising that has continued in to today.  Spent much of last night and today icing it.  I don't think my body likes having stuff embedded in my skin (whether a doctor puts it there or not).  Thus Picture #3.

Time for one of those yummy casseroles from the freezer.  Spaghetti casserole to be exact, Yum! I will be asking for that recipe!

The port is implanted so that they can just hook me up to the IV and start downloading the chemo.  It will take 3 hours each session, once every two weeks.

Friendly Neighborhood Paramedic

A big shout out and heart felt thanks to Malinda W.  Our friendly neighborhood paramedic.  She took over my wound and bandage care  post surgery.  Our insurance company decided that I could have home health care nurses come in a total of 8 times.  Great if you are a fast drainer and your JP (drainage port that was inserted in my side) comes out in a few days.  I drained for almost a month before it could be removed.

Jody C, friendly neighborhood Massage Therapist, received a phone call from an anonymous friend who hired her to give me a massage!  Smooches, smooches, who ever you are!  Jody has since offered for her services to continue.  I am one lucky girl!

The Short 'Do

The Stylist  Jody Hanks

The BIG hair

The short do

Well, it's been all about the hair for me since Sunday. All day Sunday, I kept noticing and focusing on women with long, beautiful hair.  I was fixated!  I appreciated the way their hair blew in the wind or swayed as they moved.  I was really quite in awe even spellbound by it.  I never found hair so beautiful or appreciated it so much.  At the same time, I felt a profound sadness.  I realized that this was me mourning, or grieving the impending loss of my hair!  It just snuck up on me.

By Tuesday, the idea to go short was foremost on my mind.  I felt that it would be easier if I went from long to short instead of long to bald.  It also gave me a sense of  control and empowerment!  "Nuh uh!  I am cutting you off before you can fall out on me!" 9-10 inches- GONE, just like that.

The children are very excited to hold a ceremonial head-shaving when the hair does start falling out!  Maya gets to shave the left side, Sophie the right side, and Jamison gets the top!

I heard back from Dr. Arch regarding my genetic tests.  I did indeed test positive for the BRAC 1 gene mutation.  RAT FINK!  Rat fink, rat fink, rat fink!!  The journey just got longer and harder.  After Chemo and Radiation, I will have to have a bi-lateral mastectomy, and ovaries and Fallopian tubes removed.  Did I mention that chemo often puts women into menopause?  As if having many of my body parts removed wasn't enough!  Perhaps I will be dealing with the big "M" right along with it.  CRAZINESS!  My mantra?  I can do hard things.  (I hope).....

"Blessings" by Laura Story

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

What if trials of this life

Are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

And what if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can't satisfy?

And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?

Send "Blessings" Ringtone to your Mobile

• Writer(s): Laura Mixon Story, Liz Story
  Copyright: Story Duke Music, Laura Stories, New Spring Publishing Inc., Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp.

Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/laura-story/blessings-lyrics/#iWyM4VDwAziZHW6p.99

Cloches!

So, yesterday John and I met with my chemotherapy oncologist, Dr. Haslam.  Treatment plan involves Adriamycin/ cytoxan IV, once every 2 weeks,  4 times.  Then I will have Paclitaxel (taxol) through IV for 12 weeks, once a week.  So......20 weeks of chemo.  Wow!  More than I thought.

Possible side effects: hair loss, nausea, neuropathy, decreased heart function, fatigue.  Heavy duty stuff.  To Do List:  have portacath surgically implanted in my chest so they can just plug me in to the IV.  Better than getting poked with a needle every single time.  A MUGA scan of my heart.  A class with Deb the nurse oncologist entitled Chemo 101 to help me better understand all the meds I will be taking.  Picked up three anti-nausea meds on the way home.  Start date for Chemo: September 17th, IF my drainage port has been removed by then.

My friend Shannon (breast cancer survivor) came over for a visit today bearing three lovely cloches! Fun story about the one in the middle.  Last November, I accompanied John on a business trip to Las Vegas.  We stayed at the lovely Venetian and I found a fabulous hat store.  I saw a hat just like the one in the middle.  When I went back the next day to buy it, it was gone.  Boo Hoo!  Who knew it would show up on my doorstep several months later?!