"The Ugly Duckling," phase.

For me, breast cancer has struck at the very core of my physical-feminine attributes.  Currently, I am bald.  When all is said and done, I will have had both breasts removed as well as my ovaries and Fallopian tubes.  I am ever so grateful that I bore all 4 of our children earlier on in life.  Thus the removal of my feminine body parts is not so tragic.  At least not from a reproductive stand point.....

There is a part of me that looks forward to having my breasts GONE for all the trouble they have caused lately!  After all, they almost killed me!  Yet, they also nurtured our children as infants and gave me a strong feeling of femininity.  I definitely have mixed emotions about the upcoming surgeries.  I am scheduled for the bi-lateral mastectomy February 18th.  

These days when I look in the mirror, I have to look very hard to see any semblance of the old Shanda. I have to remind myself that this phase will pass and that the swan is lurking just below the surface waiting to make a reappearance given time.  Fortunately, God is not "looking at my clothes, He's looking at my soul!"